I forced myself into writing a lot of poems in 1994, not being patient enough to wait for true inspiration but rather trying to make a lot of poor poetic ideas into poems. I did so in my over eagerness to be able to churn out some poems and out some volume of output, but also for the sake of trying to to fine tune my poetry writing skills, with words, rhymes, similes and metaphors, different ways of saying things or looking at things so as to create a different concept all together, or whatever. Regardless, the results were some pretty awful poems I don’t even know why I kept in the first place, or recorded finished versions in a lab book so my Parents wouldn’t find it or suspect anything other than chemistry lab notes if I had happened to have left it out. I did all this without my Parents knowing, you see, although they knew I read poetry. That was probably bad enough cause I don’t think they “got it” about my artistic interests, and let’s just hope they never thought me gay for it.
The poems I wrote in 1994 which I have chosen not to share, I am so ashamed of for lack of poetic qualities I won’t even list them, let alone describe them, unlike what I did with Notes on Unshared Poems Completed in 1993. I should have just written some bitching out on paper and thrown it away and not have had any of it come back to haunt me later. All I will say is I left out six such poems from 1994 not shared. If it ever mattered enough that anyone should need to go hunting for them, they can be found in the lab book in which I had recorded my completed poetry at the time. I wrote my scrap work in a 50 cents half a letter sized page notebook with black covers I still have to this day, although I did rip out a lot of the completed work for whatever reasons I don’t know since I tend to be a pack rat who keeps everything.
I still remember that time when I shared my poems with u…think u are the 2nd person & last person I showed it to…the first being a really close friend of mine when I was in Wisconsin…then after u, I lost all of them…including my DVD collection & my Singapore Academic certificates… T_T
I don’t know whether if it was a good thing that I lost all my poetry coz in a way, I’ve changed somewhat. But then the part of me that was alive back then when I wrote those poems are now buried & perhaps dead….maybe even I wouldn’t know coz that will take too much of me now to unearth the truth.
I still have a collection of poems by my favorite poet Elizabeth Jennings. I shared 3 of her poetry on my facebook page. I still like her poems a lot coz of her honesty & how it touches me:
Excerpts from 2 of her poems just to share with u (who knows? maybe u had read them…):
“The great preservers here are little things –
The dream last night, a photograph, a view.”
(From “The Ward” by Elizabeth Jennings)
“The huge philosophies depart,
Large words slink off, like faith, like love,
The thumping of the human heart
Is reassurance here enough.
Only one dreamer going back
To how he felt when he was well,
Weeps under pillows at his lack
But cannot tell, but cannot tell.”
(From “Hospital” by Elizabeth Jennings)
Wei, thank you very much for sharing and my sincere apologies for the late reply. I’m so sad to hear you lost all your poetry. For one reason, that’s why I have mine online. I hope you will find it again, or maybe more realistically, find it within you to write poetry again. I agree with you that there is a part of one that comes to life writing poetry, though reading poetry is almost just as good, for which I thank you for sharing the lovely poem by Elizabeth Jennings. And I am most grateful you shared your poetry with me. You should learn to share it with the rest of the world if you so choose to write again! Don’t limit the giving your gift can be for the rest of us!